Elephant Butte, NM

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Sunday Joke.







I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me I can have sex at 79.
I'm so happy, because I live at number 71.  It's not to far to walk home afterwards, 
it's on the same side of the street and I don't have to cross the road.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Sunday Joke!

I guess it has been a bit since I have posted.  Sorry everyone we have been busy wheeling and dealing!

Let me tell you, Jesse hated this job. And you would too,
I imagine, if you had to do it.
Jesse was a chicken plucker. That's right.

He stood on a line in a chicken factory and spent his days
Pulling the feathers off dead chickens so the rest of us
Wouldn't have to.
It wasn't much of a job. But at the time,
Jesse didn't think he was much of a person.
His father was a brute of a man.
His dad was actually thought to be mentally ill
And treated Jesse rough all of his life.

Jesse's older brother wasn't much better.
He was always picking on Jesse and beating him up.
Yes, Jesse grew up in a very rough home in
West Virginia. Life was anything but easy.
And he thought life didn't hold much hope for him.
That's why he was standing in this chicken line,
Doing a job that darn few people wanted.

In addition to all the rough treatment at home, it seems
That Jesse was always sick. Sometimes it was real
Physical illness, but way too often it was all in his head.
He was a small child, skinny and meek.
That sure didn't help the situation any.

When he started to school, he was the object of every
Bully on the playground.

He was a hypochondriac of the first order.
For Jesse, tomorrow was not always something to be
Looked forward to.

But, he had dreams. He wanted to be a ventriloquist.
He found books on ventriloquism. He practiced with
Sock puppets and saved his hard earned dollars until
He could get a real ventriloquist dummy.

When he got old enough, he joined the military.
And even though many of his hypochondriac symptoms
Persisted, the military did recognize his talents and
Put him in the entertainment corp.
That was when his world changed.
He gained confidence.

He found that he had a talent for making people laugh,
And laugh so hard they often had tears in their eyes.
Yes, little Jesse had found himself.

You know, folks, the history books are full of people
Who overcame a handicap to go on and make a success
Of themselves, but Jesse is one of the few I know of
Who didn't overcome it. Instead he used his paranoia
To make a million dollars, and become one of
The best-loved characters of all time in doing it!

Yes, that little paranoid hypochondriac, who transferred
His nervousness into a successful career, still holds the
Record for the most Emmy's given in a single category.

The wonderful, gifted, talented, and nervous comedian
Who brought us

Barney Fife
Was
Jesse Don Knotts


Sunday, September 9, 2012

Sunday joke.






What is a Cat? 

Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere. 

Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats. 






What is a Dog? 

Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the next room. They can look dumb and lovable at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you. 

Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats. 

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Sunday Joke.





The Back Pew 

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would his paycheck. 

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary. 

A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost. 

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us." 

Silence fell over the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers." 

The entire congregation said, "Amen".
Gotta love those old folks.