Elephant Butte, NM

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Sunday Joke!







For Those Of Us Who Remember.  It's old but still funny.
These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now!
Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should 
you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive,
is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter,
and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries.
Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh!
Q.  How many men on a football team?
A.  Paul Lynde:  About half.
We don't stop laughing because we grow old,
We grow old because we stop laughing

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Sunday Joke!

 *** Adult Truths ***
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there come s a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Scary Neighborhoods" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. (especially jeans)

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies.....Quit Laughing. 
Heal the past, live the present, dream the future.

Enjoy life!!!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

More Antenna Hill.

                            Newell, Linda, Dave, Luc, Bill & Maurene
























Sunday, April 14, 2013

Sunday Joke.






At the beginning of my shift  I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.  ‘Big breaths,’….I instructed. ‘Yes, they used to be,’…. Replied the patient.


While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,’ How long have you been bedridden?’  After a look of complete confusion she answered…..’Why, not for about 20 years-when my husband was alive.’


I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking on a man I asked….. ‘So how’s your breakfast this morning?’  It’s very good except for the Kentucky Jelly.  I can’t seem to get used to the taste.’  Bob replied….  I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled ‘KY Jelly.’ 


A nurse on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos and earing astrange clothing, entered… It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery…. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo that read…’Keep off the grass.’  Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said ‘Sorry…had to mow the grass.’


As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.  I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams…. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.  The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.  I looked up from my work and sheepishly said….I’m sorry.   Was I tickling you?  She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard….’No doctor but the song you were whistling was …. I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner.


Baby’s First Doctor Visit
A women and a baby were in the doctor’s office exam room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.  The doctor arrived and examined the baby, checking his weight. And being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-feed. ‘Breast-fed,’ she replied, ‘Well, strip down to your waist,’ the doctor ordered.  She did.  He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.  Monitoring to her to get dressed, the doctor said, ‘No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk. ‘I know, she said, ‘I’m the Grandma, but I’m glad I came.’

Sunday, April 7, 2013




A young Texan grew upwanting to be a lawman.

He grew up big, 6'2", strong as a longhorn and fast as mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.
After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview. 
The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an "Attitude
Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted.
We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."
Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said,

"Take this pistol and go out and shoot:
six illegal aliens,
six lawyers,
six meth dealers,
six Muslim extremists,
six Democrats,
and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit? queried the applicant.

"You pass," said the Chief Deputy.
"When can you start?"