A snail buys a fast new
car
There
was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He
decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping
around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the
snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but
he wants it repainted "240-S".
The
dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"
The
snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring
past to know who's driving."
Well,
the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a
snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
The
snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the
highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say
"Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
A game of animal
football
The
animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. "I know a really
exciting game that the humans play called football. I've seen it on T.V."
He
proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited
about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field and chose up teams
and were ready to begin.
The
lion's team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to
punt. The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick. He caught the
ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two
rabbits. He gored a wildebeast, knocked over two cows, and broke through to
daylight, scoring six.
Unfortunately,
they lacked a placekicker, and the score remained 6 - 0.
Late
in the first half the lion's team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the
extra point. The lion's team led at halftime 7 - 6. In the locker room, the
lion gave a peptalk.
"Look
you guys. We can win this game. We've got the lead and they only have one real
threat. We've got to keep the ball away from the rhino, he's a killer. Mule,
when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino."
The
second half began. Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhino's team
changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino. Once again, the
rhino lowered his head and was off running. First, he stomped two gazelles. He
skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way. It looked like he
was home free. Suddenly at the twenty yard line, he dropped over dead. There
were no other animals in sight anywhere near him. The lion went over to see
what had happened. Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede.
"Did
you do this?" he asked the centipede.
"Yeah,
I did." the centipede replied.
The
lion retorted, "Where were you during the first half?"
"I was putting on my shoes."
These chickens want
books
A
pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say,
'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and
gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around
midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,'
Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three
books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.
The
two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the
librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The
librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what
they request, and decides to follow them.
She
followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this
point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens
throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying,
"Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."
