Sunday Joke!

Subject: Jokes that may be told in Church

 Two boys  were walking home  from Sunday  school  after hearing a strong  preaching on the devil.

One said to the other,  'What do you think about  all this  Satan  stuff?'
The other boy replied,  'Well, you know how  Santa Claus turned  out.
It's  probably just your  Dad..'    
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little  girl   whispered to her mother,
'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied,  'Because white is the color  of happiness, and today is  the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about  this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom  wearing black?'  
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Three boys are  in the school yard bragging  about  their fathers.
The first  boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he  calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
The second  boy says,  That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on  piece of paper,he calls it a song, they give     him  $100.'
The third  boy says, 'I got  you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a  piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes  eight people to collect all the money!'  
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
An elderly woman died last month. Having  never married, she requested no male pallbearers.
In her handwritten  instructions for her memorial service,  she wrote,
'They wouldn't take me out  while I was alive,  I don't  want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
A police recruit was asked during  the  exam,  'What  would you do if you  had to arrest your own mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.'    
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and  Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem
A small  child replied,  'They couldn't get a  baby-sitter.'  
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five  and six year olds.
After  explaining the  commandment to 'Honor thy father and  thy mother,' she asked,
'Is  there a commandment  that teaches us how to  treat our  brothers and sisters?'
Without  missing a beat, one  little boy answered,  'Thou shall not kill..'    
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
At Sunday School they were teaching how God  created everything,  including human beings.
Little  Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him  how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in  the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he
were ill,  and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?'
Little  Johnny responded, 'I  have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
  

Sunday Joke!

                                    Blonde in church
                                    
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."  

No one moved. 

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood?  Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible   misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
                                   
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation  roared.

Life is short, smile while you still have teeth, give me an Amen.