Sunday Christmas Joke!

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope that everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box with Call of Duty and an iPhone 6 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,

Timmy Jones.

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Dear Timmy,

Thank you for the letter. Mrs. Claus, the elves and the reindeer are all fine. Thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried about all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring something you can take outside and play with.

Merry Christmas,

Santa Claus

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Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the “Naughty vs Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear in granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jab at my weight and activity coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?

Respectfully,

Tim Jones

Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas List is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well, that is your right.

Please note, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and could potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of a Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,

S Claus

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Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this, but you brought my looks and friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’ll be waiting for your fat ass and I’ll just take my game console, the game, my phone and whatever else I want! WHATEVER I WANT, MAN!!!!

T-Bone

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Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe?

“He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? Do you have any idea what resources I have at my disposal? I got your shit wired, jack! I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people and if I described them here, you’d blow that Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mother’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp your butt and teach you a lesson. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy

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Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.

Timmy

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Dear Timmy,

That’s what I thought… punk…

Santa

                               Ho, Ho, Ho

                                   Merry Christmas!